Dear All,
I apologize for taking so much time off my blog, the reason for this is I have been hard at work on my novel, here's a sneak peak:
And as she watched him, looking on fathers and sons, he looked weak and frail, his frame weakening every day from drink and depression. She knew she wasn’t something he had wanted, but here she was trying to break all the rules to be what she never could.
A man.
More posts coming soon <3
XOXO
Friday, 10 February 2012
Sunday, 22 January 2012
His/Paris
It was sunset, the plush skyline was turning all shades of red.
His eyes watched the streets bellow from the middle floor of the iconic sculpture, a cigaret between his lips, a hand loosely in his pocket, to the world he looked like an exotic gentleman of the past, a handsome male specimen at his prime.
He blew the smoke in his mouth, clutching the cigaret between his fingers, glancing at his wrist, checking the time.
She was late
He had spent the most amazing time with her, now more than ever he knew there was a fatale attraction between them, he did not care for her weak rebukes, he had seen it in her expressive eyes, there was no rejection there, she had wanted him just as he wanted her.
She's taken, man. Get a grip.
His inner mind seemed to speak to him, but he just smirked devilishly and ignored it, yes, there was her tangled up situation to think about but he knew after he was through with tonight she'd forget her ill fated marriage and choose him.
It pleased him to let her see his new accomplishments, made him more triumphant than ever that he had impressed her, it was as if all his years of working himself to the ground was a built up for this moment.
Her
He could almost smell her coming, for the area was suddenly so fragrant that he closed his eyes to concentrate on her heavenly scent, she smelt like home.
Oud, and Jasmine and wild roses.
"Hello." came her soft, hesitant voice, and he turned towards it, throwing his cigaret out the railing in the process, it was how he was raised, he had done everything he had wanted, but smoking infront of a lady was not the man he was raised to be.
"Hello." he said, warmth reflecting in his dark eyes as he took in the scene she had created, standing like a school girl, with a black wool dress and a matching coat, with a single pearl broach on the front, her hair bounced artlessly about her shoulders, her hands in front of her clutching the top handle of her bag.
He stepped closer towards her, picking up her reluctant hand and putting it between his palms, noticing how shaky and cold she felt.
"I'm glad you came." he said softly,
Her eyes looked up at him, brilliantly expressive and beautiful, "I must confess I wasn't going to, But I didn't want to leave you waiting."
"I can't blame you, after the last time I left."
"No, Never say that."
His lips broke into a white smile then, he led her tenderly over a corner and there she abruptly stopped, a table was decorated with candles and red rose leaves, two french chairs were drawn and just on Que.. a well dressed maître d walked into the alluring picture and picked up both napkins, glancing they're way with a friendly smile.
"I-I can't believe you did this." she whispered, scandalized at his romantic offer, and secretly excited.
He shrugged his wide shoulders, both hands inside his pant pockets, "I thought you'd like it." he said looking boyishly shy as he glanced down at his shoes then back to her.
"They're giving me this as a bonus for my constructional services, might as well enjoy…oui?" he said, before escorting her towards her chair.
The sky was already starry now, the city lights escalating with each minute of darkness as they lounged in the iconic tower, he told her of his days in college, of his life now, how he had landed the paris deal, and how he was now sought after by every engineering firm in his home country all the while conversing over the simple meal he had prepared, a pepperoni pizza, soda, and some french fries on the side.
She participated with his stories with eager nods, and genuine laughter ;and when he spoke of a prank he pulled on his lightening and specs professor, telling her how he had made him believe that his house was haunted and had arranged the lights to flicker whenever he had entered his campus home.
she exclaimed "You haven't changed a bit!" between breathless laughs clearly enjoying his stories of youthful antics, it was then he had came to realize that he had been blabbing, he quickly straightened his back, and waved his hand for her to tell him more about herself, apologizing for taking route of the conversation.
"No. No!" She said waving off his request, "I'm enjoying your stories so much." and the grin she gave him was so contagious, he grinned right back.
"Ah well…that's it. However my sister still wants me to pick up a few things, and I've yet to discover some of the shopping districts here." he thought it was best to have her participate and bring her out of her role as audience.
"Well, I could help you with that…We could go tomorrow- Oh.." she cut herself short after the abrupt offer.
"What's wrong?" he asked, suddenly worried.
"Nothing, Its just that…I need to get packing, my husband wants me to meet him In Italy this weekend."
His eyes clouded then, and he was faced again with that predicament, he pushed himself away from the table, suddenly withdrawn, his gaze hastily drifting to the marvelous scene about them.
"I just don't understand…"he said after a moment of silence.
"Understand what?"
"Why your still with him, I don't understand how someone like you would ever want this…"
His words stung he knew, but the tone of voice he spoke them was meant to lull, gentle her.
"What do you think I want?" she countered, pushing herself away and leaning further from him.
"Me." he replied simply, his eyes probing into hers.
She met him with a cruel laugh, "Your unbelievable!"
"Don't deny it." he said, his words like a silken whip.
It was then that she withdrew her facade, and her turn to glance at the picturesque scene.
"We were never meant to be." she said, ceasing the awkward silence, and he swore he could feel a quiver in her voice when she said it.
"You never gave us a chance." he said harshly, trying to fight away his demons so he wouldn't scare her off.
"I know." she whispered, her broken spirit in her eyes.
"I want us." he said finally, ending his torture, placing all his cards on the table.
"I can't…"she said, her head shaking trying to deny what was in her heart.
"Divorce him, I'll take you in a heart beat."
She stood up to leave then, he knew he was putting her in a corner with his badgering, but he was a man and he knew what he wanted and now…
In this moment.
In this place.
He wanted her
Following her, her closed his grip on her upper arm, turning her towards him, "Your mine, you know that. You always were…its just a matter of time before you will be mine again."
he could hear her heart beat in his head, could see her eyes swimming with unshed tears, but she did not fight him, nor did she push him away, he turned her fully around him now taking that as a promising sign, he was so close to her now, his senses reeling with her sweet perfume.
"Don't ruin this again." he said almost desperately, "Our meeting here, its no accident, we're meant to be, can't you see that?"
She blinked back her tears, gave out a shudder, and finally stepped away from his proximity.
"Please…I must go." she said, her voice shaky as she prepared to leave.
He let her go then, putting his hands back into his pockets looking at her in that roving way of his, feeling a bit lighter at announcing his feelings, but when she turned her back to him, he felt himself sinking into that black hole of rejection once more…
But then she rotated towards him, looked into his eyes with her own darker ones and said;
"This was the best evening I ever had."
**************************************************************
This post goes out to my loyal reader Arabella, hope you liked it! <3
Reviews ppl! I'm a starving writer...so slap me with something! XD
Sunday, 15 January 2012
In the land of writing
Ever since I was a little girl, I had known what I wanted to be in life, there was always those gaps of my adolecense where I had wanted to be everything from a Vet to a Detective :P
But I always came back to writing my own stories, I finished my first story when I was 11 -I recall it was about a princess and her flying horse.- But, yes. Being a writer was always my goal in life, I think I can call myself that now because...I AM writing.
But every writer's dream is to get they're works on to the world...And I'm afraid that is a goal I'm yet to achieve.
I constantly wonder whats the secret of committing to your work? often get sidetracked with my busy life, and Its difficult to close the shell and concentrate on my writing.
I'd love to get some tips from people who know how to control this, If your reading this and have some advice I'm listening!
But I always came back to writing my own stories, I finished my first story when I was 11 -I recall it was about a princess and her flying horse.- But, yes. Being a writer was always my goal in life, I think I can call myself that now because...I AM writing.
But every writer's dream is to get they're works on to the world...And I'm afraid that is a goal I'm yet to achieve.
I constantly wonder whats the secret of committing to your work? often get sidetracked with my busy life, and Its difficult to close the shell and concentrate on my writing.
I'd love to get some tips from people who know how to control this, If your reading this and have some advice I'm listening!
Friday, 13 January 2012
Where is everyone?
Well I've been checking in here often but there doesn't seem to be any interactions...:S Please show me your there silent readers!
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
Sunday, 8 January 2012
Her/Paris
She continued sipping her tea, all silence and contentment.
Her service butler for the evening witnessed the exchange with unchanged eyes, obviously ignoring wonderment over any emotional conversations between the strange man and his kind mistress.
"Est-ce fini, madame?" he inquired, taking a step forward sensing the young lady needed a moment alone, and thought taking the finished tray out might give her just that.
"Oui, Henri. Merci." she answered as she laid back her empty cup
She needed the quietness, she needed to gain back her mind, this was not the way of married women.
Yes. She longed for him.
So damn much.
His kind words, his gentle voice, his lips on her hand, his eyes.
God!…His eyes.
It was just like looking into the past all over again, but this time it was looking right back.
What am I doing, lord?!
And as if she needed more reminding, on que her phone began to ring, she wiped away her nose, and looked into the screen.
She cleared her voice and answered it.
"Hello, darling." she spoke in a girly tone she perfected along the years.
"Hello, my dove." his raspy voice replied from the other end, "Are you enjoying your time?"
"Very much!! How are things back home?" she answered warmly.
"Everything is fine, everyone misses you. I've been busy with business as usual, were opening a new firm in Italy…I was hoping we'd meet there! You always wanted to go."
She fidgeted in her place, and cleared a wrinkle from her dress listening to his endearing plans, "I…I don't know. Paris is agreeing with me at the moment…It just seems so…abrupt." she replied trying to sound diplomatic, "Can't I stay here and meet you back home when your done?"
"No, my dear. You cannot." he replied in an air of authority, completely contradicting his easy tone from before. "It won't be for another couple of months until you see me again. No I insist! If I don't meet you there…I'll just come to where you are."
She almost saw him right then on that last note, a regal smile on his lips that broke away the crow feet at his eyes.
"I'm never going to be rid of you, Am I?" she replied jokingly, and her mind a face of boyish handsomeness that was never to be came into her vision.
"Afraid not."He replied on the other end, but then warmly he replied, "Enjoy your time there its not for another two weeks…don't worry."
She clicked the "End call" button and shrugged like a limp doll on the sofa, she felt horrid, the sick yearning in her chest tugged at the sanity of her mind and made her more confused than ever.
What am I doing?!
She screamed in her head , she didn't want to betray her husband, but the thoughts of him in her mind so fresh after so many years, her heart unchanged made her question her allegiance.
She shook her head out from dreadful mood and decided she should keep the past in the past and not go looking for it, Italy sounded amazing and her husband did miss her terribly…that was better than indulging in this barren romance.
her last thoughts as she looked out her balcony, her eyes roving over the sparkling Eiffel tower was
I lost you once. i don't deserve you again.
And so was the curse of the heavens, having something she could've had so close and available yet so far and distant …now; its better, greater and more valuable than ever before.
She could've settled for the boy that was the man, but now here he was the man without the boy she once knew;
A sarcastic chuckle escaped her, bitter humor at the end that was hers.
A knock at the door sounded the return of Henri, and she glanced his way before looking back towards the spectacular scene.
"Madam! pour vous, Un message." he announced handing the small envelope, inside the note read:
" Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray. "
Oh my god.
On the other side of the note it read, "Come to the tower tomorrow."
Her poor heart began beating frantically, sending her a verse by her favorite poet was pure torture, she could only take too much before she gave in, shaking her head from the haze of confusion she crumpled the piece of paper and tossed it in her pocket.
============================
To all of you wondering the verse is by Lord Byron! I adore him!! and Yes good news! I'm getting back into this if anybody is still anticipating! Stay tuned!! :D
Her service butler for the evening witnessed the exchange with unchanged eyes, obviously ignoring wonderment over any emotional conversations between the strange man and his kind mistress.
"Est-ce fini, madame?" he inquired, taking a step forward sensing the young lady needed a moment alone, and thought taking the finished tray out might give her just that.
"Oui, Henri. Merci." she answered as she laid back her empty cup
She needed the quietness, she needed to gain back her mind, this was not the way of married women.
Yes. She longed for him.
So damn much.
His kind words, his gentle voice, his lips on her hand, his eyes.
God!…His eyes.
It was just like looking into the past all over again, but this time it was looking right back.
What am I doing, lord?!
And as if she needed more reminding, on que her phone began to ring, she wiped away her nose, and looked into the screen.
She cleared her voice and answered it.
"Hello, darling." she spoke in a girly tone she perfected along the years.
"Hello, my dove." his raspy voice replied from the other end, "Are you enjoying your time?"
"Very much!! How are things back home?" she answered warmly.
"Everything is fine, everyone misses you. I've been busy with business as usual, were opening a new firm in Italy…I was hoping we'd meet there! You always wanted to go."
She fidgeted in her place, and cleared a wrinkle from her dress listening to his endearing plans, "I…I don't know. Paris is agreeing with me at the moment…It just seems so…abrupt." she replied trying to sound diplomatic, "Can't I stay here and meet you back home when your done?"
"No, my dear. You cannot." he replied in an air of authority, completely contradicting his easy tone from before. "It won't be for another couple of months until you see me again. No I insist! If I don't meet you there…I'll just come to where you are."
She almost saw him right then on that last note, a regal smile on his lips that broke away the crow feet at his eyes.
"I'm never going to be rid of you, Am I?" she replied jokingly, and her mind a face of boyish handsomeness that was never to be came into her vision.
"Afraid not."He replied on the other end, but then warmly he replied, "Enjoy your time there its not for another two weeks…don't worry."
She clicked the "End call" button and shrugged like a limp doll on the sofa, she felt horrid, the sick yearning in her chest tugged at the sanity of her mind and made her more confused than ever.
What am I doing?!
She screamed in her head , she didn't want to betray her husband, but the thoughts of him in her mind so fresh after so many years, her heart unchanged made her question her allegiance.
She shook her head out from dreadful mood and decided she should keep the past in the past and not go looking for it, Italy sounded amazing and her husband did miss her terribly…that was better than indulging in this barren romance.
her last thoughts as she looked out her balcony, her eyes roving over the sparkling Eiffel tower was
I lost you once. i don't deserve you again.
And so was the curse of the heavens, having something she could've had so close and available yet so far and distant …now; its better, greater and more valuable than ever before.
She could've settled for the boy that was the man, but now here he was the man without the boy she once knew;
A sarcastic chuckle escaped her, bitter humor at the end that was hers.
A knock at the door sounded the return of Henri, and she glanced his way before looking back towards the spectacular scene.
"Madam! pour vous, Un message." he announced handing the small envelope, inside the note read:
" Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray. "
Oh my god.
On the other side of the note it read, "Come to the tower tomorrow."
Her poor heart began beating frantically, sending her a verse by her favorite poet was pure torture, she could only take too much before she gave in, shaking her head from the haze of confusion she crumpled the piece of paper and tossed it in her pocket.
============================
To all of you wondering the verse is by Lord Byron! I adore him!! and Yes good news! I'm getting back into this if anybody is still anticipating! Stay tuned!! :D
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Memoirs of 2011
Happy new year!!
I was just reminiscing about the last year, a lot of memories made.
The past year was filled with terrible months for my home country, Bahrain.
A lot of us didn't even know we had so much patriotism, I supposed we weren't raised on it especially if your mixed, I'm Qatari/Saudi originally, my father was born here and was raised in Bahrain for as long as he could remember, its weird because all his cousins and relatives speak very differently compared to us, our extended family had begged us to move out of this civil war about to erupt nation but my father refused, he wasn't one to take a cowards way out, always quiet with his teeth clenched watching the news. It was a very sad time for us, most of us never left our neighborhoods. It was such difficult times.
After that finally things began to simmer down, and slowly get back to normal somewhat, or at least we thought, I was never big on politics, its just a barren conversation where everyone sticks to one side of the bridge, nobody wants to cross it.
Afterwards my husband saw what toll everything took on me, with my toxic day job and the situation in Bahrain, he booked me to Switzerland for two weeks, needless to say as much as I enjoyed the scenery and people, a part of my journey was filled with self assessment and contemplation, when people were moving around happily and carefree here, my country was still in the dark ages in need of some advisory assistance.
When I came back I was in a much brighter mood and things seemed to go better, I brought my work mates a few trinkets and because some were from very simple backgrounds they clutched at it as if they were given a pirates foreign coins.
It was the happiest I've ever been, to bring a bit of joy to a kind soul.
Its the strangest thing, I think the best part of me if there ever was, is the fact that I always look to give presents, think about the person and hit the shops for the perfect color/item/label.
Just before the end of the year I had a big rumble with my bosses, I'm never one to shut up when I know I'm right, I can be the rudest, crudest, most blunt person you'd know.
The place I work in is a man-dominated cesspool, the fact that they had a woman throwing away they're punches actually made they're eyebrows rise. I worked there for a year with no Job discerption while the rest of the (batty lashed, easy females) got promoted.
I spent my year disregarding that; with continues let downs of myself, pushing myself to work harder and more efficiently because I might've seemed relaxed and un-accomplished.
But then I was called in by another boss. (Did I mention my boss and this one were grudging against each other, and neither talked to the other, its that toxic! ) anyhow he told me that he doesn't see me having any new promotions or any such things, my response was a clear sarcastic "Wow! I'm so excited to come back here tomorrow now."
I don't have a need for this job, my financial matters were taken care of fine, and the pay there isn't that good, its way bellow 600BD.
Anyhow he continued turning the tables on my original boss blaming him of my current situation and continued bad mouthing him, while making clear comparability tactics about his team and ours.
I took off and gave that exact info to my other boss, clearly stepping away from any means of professionalism since I made the assessment long ago that this place was not Professional! Not even close.
So I disregarded my work rules and dispatched what I heard specifically.
My current boss is very nice and understanding and very knowledgable, In a way I see him as a more senior version of myself, he had confessed to me that he had submitted his resignation that same time I submitted mine, And we both got rejected.
Anyhow I came in the next morning after a lash out on my part on a few older junior employees who almost broke a freshly surgical problematic dear colleague of mine with a door. (Of course not intentional)
That was basically the straw that broke the camels back, I honestly couldn't control myself, it was later in the evening that I realized what I did and honestly....I felt rotten.
I was called in by another senior, he said that they have raised a complaint about my lash out, and he did not want to take serious actions towards me because he knew me too well.
"I know you hate it here, but I've got a proposition. You like to write right? You got an amazing accent! I need someone to take over the VIP foreign guests, write articles, emails."
Strangely what I thought was another awful day turned a bit lighter but not quiet white, he just made me more confused about staying, which I don't...but it seemed like something I could do.
Still juggling though.
A good note to all of this; my friends are increasing significantly...no shallow friendships here, I have this feeling that I'm going somewhere good.
But, Later this weekend I got a horrible cold, my daughter and I...needless to say I'm tucking all thoughts behind at the moment to have a much needed relaxation.
G'night/G'morning.
I was just reminiscing about the last year, a lot of memories made.
The past year was filled with terrible months for my home country, Bahrain.
A lot of us didn't even know we had so much patriotism, I supposed we weren't raised on it especially if your mixed, I'm Qatari/Saudi originally, my father was born here and was raised in Bahrain for as long as he could remember, its weird because all his cousins and relatives speak very differently compared to us, our extended family had begged us to move out of this civil war about to erupt nation but my father refused, he wasn't one to take a cowards way out, always quiet with his teeth clenched watching the news. It was a very sad time for us, most of us never left our neighborhoods. It was such difficult times.
After that finally things began to simmer down, and slowly get back to normal somewhat, or at least we thought, I was never big on politics, its just a barren conversation where everyone sticks to one side of the bridge, nobody wants to cross it.
Afterwards my husband saw what toll everything took on me, with my toxic day job and the situation in Bahrain, he booked me to Switzerland for two weeks, needless to say as much as I enjoyed the scenery and people, a part of my journey was filled with self assessment and contemplation, when people were moving around happily and carefree here, my country was still in the dark ages in need of some advisory assistance.
When I came back I was in a much brighter mood and things seemed to go better, I brought my work mates a few trinkets and because some were from very simple backgrounds they clutched at it as if they were given a pirates foreign coins.
It was the happiest I've ever been, to bring a bit of joy to a kind soul.
Its the strangest thing, I think the best part of me if there ever was, is the fact that I always look to give presents, think about the person and hit the shops for the perfect color/item/label.
Just before the end of the year I had a big rumble with my bosses, I'm never one to shut up when I know I'm right, I can be the rudest, crudest, most blunt person you'd know.
The place I work in is a man-dominated cesspool, the fact that they had a woman throwing away they're punches actually made they're eyebrows rise. I worked there for a year with no Job discerption while the rest of the (batty lashed, easy females) got promoted.
I spent my year disregarding that; with continues let downs of myself, pushing myself to work harder and more efficiently because I might've seemed relaxed and un-accomplished.
But then I was called in by another boss. (Did I mention my boss and this one were grudging against each other, and neither talked to the other, its that toxic! ) anyhow he told me that he doesn't see me having any new promotions or any such things, my response was a clear sarcastic "Wow! I'm so excited to come back here tomorrow now."
I don't have a need for this job, my financial matters were taken care of fine, and the pay there isn't that good, its way bellow 600BD.
Anyhow he continued turning the tables on my original boss blaming him of my current situation and continued bad mouthing him, while making clear comparability tactics about his team and ours.
I took off and gave that exact info to my other boss, clearly stepping away from any means of professionalism since I made the assessment long ago that this place was not Professional! Not even close.
So I disregarded my work rules and dispatched what I heard specifically.
My current boss is very nice and understanding and very knowledgable, In a way I see him as a more senior version of myself, he had confessed to me that he had submitted his resignation that same time I submitted mine, And we both got rejected.
Anyhow I came in the next morning after a lash out on my part on a few older junior employees who almost broke a freshly surgical problematic dear colleague of mine with a door. (Of course not intentional)
That was basically the straw that broke the camels back, I honestly couldn't control myself, it was later in the evening that I realized what I did and honestly....I felt rotten.
I was called in by another senior, he said that they have raised a complaint about my lash out, and he did not want to take serious actions towards me because he knew me too well.
"I know you hate it here, but I've got a proposition. You like to write right? You got an amazing accent! I need someone to take over the VIP foreign guests, write articles, emails."
Strangely what I thought was another awful day turned a bit lighter but not quiet white, he just made me more confused about staying, which I don't...but it seemed like something I could do.
Still juggling though.
A good note to all of this; my friends are increasing significantly...no shallow friendships here, I have this feeling that I'm going somewhere good.
But, Later this weekend I got a horrible cold, my daughter and I...needless to say I'm tucking all thoughts behind at the moment to have a much needed relaxation.
G'night/G'morning.
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